Am I an artist now?

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EXCITING NEWS! I recently entered an artwork in a local group exhibition and it was chosen! It is an 8×10 exhibition at The Corner Store Gallery here in Orange, N.S.W. The works of all the artists chosen will be exhibited at The Corner Store Gallery from Thursday 9th March 2017 to Sunday 26th March 2017. I’M SO FREAKING EXCITED! Just over half of me is excited about the fact that I will have my art hanging on a wall in an actual, really-real ART GALLERY (*HYPERVENTILATING*) but if i’m being completely honest with you all (and myself) nearly half of me is excited at the prospect of actually selling the artwork and therefore recouping the cost of entry and the frame. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not in this art caper for the money, but it would be nice to be able to afford to continue to produce, you know,artworks. (*rolls eyes* I feel like I’m haemorrhaging money)

‘Self Portrait’ Giclée print of digital artwork.

So my question for my readers is this . . . (*crickets chirping*) Oh come on! SOMEONE is reading me . . . And so, single reader, my question to you is this – Does this mean I can now call myself an artist without feeling like a fraud? 

(so, its a kind of rhetorical question . . . but not really . . . )

On a fun little side note, I have had fun this week learning about the basics of drawing, mainly contour lines and gesture. I practiced these skills by drawing a group of pears but I think I may have been too gestural with them as every time I look at them I start hearing that song in my head, you know the one . .  .’I like big butts and I can not lie . . . ‘

*shakes head* Pears with big butts, my art in an exhibition . . . what is the world coming to?

Until next time nerds . . .

Naomi.

 

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A drawing for Mika

digital illustration

Just after Christmas my cousins daughter, Tomika, turned 10 . . . DOUBLE FIGURES! I remember turning 10, I remember how excited I was to be turning DOUBLE FIGURES . . . Was it just me? Was this a big deal for anyone else? Surely it was . . . wasn’t it?

I can remember so clearly when Mika was born, I remember her as a toddler, as a little girl and it is such a pleasure to watch her grow into beautiful person, inside and out. When I realised (way too late) that this birthday was ‘the big one’ I didn’t care whether she saw it that way or not,(pretty sure I was WAY more excited about it haha) I wanted to give her something special to celebrate it and remember it by. I wanted to show her how special she is to me.

So I drew a picture . . .

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Believe it or not I drew this entire image on my iPad Pro with my Apple pencil . . . Pretty sweet huh!

 

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I finally delivered the picture to her last saturday (only a month and a half late! *rolls eyes*) and she loved it . . . Im always so relieved when I find out someone loves what Ive drawn for them, I’m always so worried that they’ll hate it . . .

 

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I’m so pleased with how it turned out.

until next time nerds . . .

Naomi.

2 steps forward, one step back . . .

Musings

It occurred to me this morning that I completely forgot to write a blog post last week! I really need to set a schedule and stick to it. I guess I was just busy drawing, thats usually why I forget things . . . You know, like stretching, eating, sleeping, talking to people . . .Drawing is just so much better than all of that . . .

So what have I been drawing?

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I drew the picture above for a competition run by Frankie Magazine. I’ll find out if i’ve won anything on the 2nd of February so fingers and toes crossed!

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I decided to re-vamp my ‘Shakespeare in a Jar’ because the original felt rushed and not up to standard. Funny note: I drew this while watching ‘South Park’, it felt kinda wrong, haha.

This week I felt the urge to give my watercolours another go, with the aid of my new watercolour markers. I found a photo online of a Gouldian Finch and set to work. Below is a picture of the first layer of paint.

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I’ve learnt that patience is the key so I painted a layer and then walked away to let it dry completely and clear my head. Below is a photos of what it looked like after three (?) layers of watercolour, some gouache and my polychromo pencils . . .

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I then scanned it into photoshop, tidied the edges, tweaked the colours and printed it with my awesome printer. Below is a giclee print of my Gouldian Finch. I was absolutely mesmerised by the quality. If you look closely you can see the texture of the original painting. PERFECT!

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After my success (FINALLY) with the watercolours I decided to try my hand at my water soluble oils. I was feeling overly confident. I rushed the process and massacred the picture (see below) but on a positive note I know exactly what I did wrong and will endeavour to do it better next time . . . and you can be sure that there will be a ‘next time’ VERY SOON! I am determined to master it . . . I WILL master it!

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I had a wonderful realisation a few hours after my fail. I used to sink into a state of despair and want to give up when something like this happened previously. This time however, I took it on the chin, cleaned up my workspace, rested for a few hours and once my head was clear I started to formulate a plan for my next attempt. It seems that I am finally learning that mistakes are all apart of the process (No kidding!). It seems that instead of thinking of improvement as a pipe dream, I’m finally believing that it will happen if I keep on practicing. Although the oil painting was a fiasco, the Gouldian Finch was a triumph and I am so proud of how far I have come. Perhaps I have what it takes to make it in this art caper after all.

Until next time, Live long and prosper

Naomi.

 

Wheels in motion . . .

Musings

Remember last week when I shared a photo of some pretty amazing ink cartridges? Well the printer that uses those pretty amazing ink cartridges arrived late last week! With the arrival of this incredibly professional and expensive printer (Parental payment plans are great – NO INTEREST!) my anxiety levels and self-doubt went through the roof. What if I wasted all this money for nothing? What if no one buys my prints? WHAT IF I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK THE DARN THING?! The only thing for it was to set it up and test it out but of course life isn’t that simple, EVER! The printer arrived in the middle of a rather painful bout of gastritis and so I could do nothing but stare across the room at my glorious new machine for a few days before I was well enough to tackle it. Eventually I did tackle it and nailed it! It took a whole day, an anxiety filled, terror-driven day but in the end I had something to show for it. It produced the most amazingly, stunning Giclee  print that I have ever seen! The colour was so rich and the details of my drawings were so fastidiously rendered . . . Seriously, the quality is insane!

(Below: Check it out! 12 inks baby! YEAH!)

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As for my anxieties and doubts, I’m not convinced that they will ever go away, especially where money is concerned but as I am writing this I’m feeling a little better. I sat down this morning and broke down all the costs of selling my own prints in order to determine the prices I’ll place on them and I feel sure that in time, If people buy my art this little venture will subsidise itself. (Once I’ve paid my ‘loan’ off of course – I don’t want people to think I sponge off my parents. If I need a substantial amount I sit down with them, lay out all the facts and we come up with a payment plan. A plan that I stick to.) Of course it would be nice to think that one day I may actually make some ‘pocket money’ out of it but for now I’d just be stoked if it paid for itself.

What I’ve been working on . . . 

At the begining of the year the womens group at my church hold a breakfast for all the women of the church. Its called the ‘Womens encouragement breakfast’ and it is a great way to start the year and catch up with a bunch of great ladies after the Christmas break. Last year I was asked to design the brochure and the booklet and this year I have been asked to do it again. Due to my health issues it hasn’t been possible for me, over the last few years, to contribute much of my time or ‘talents’ to our church’s various ministries and outreach (a constant source of frustration!) so I relish the opportunity to contribute my abilities in this way. This year they also asked me to change the logo for the event which excited me probably a little to much as it allowed me to apply some of the things I have learnt in my Graphic Design course. I’ll be getting started on the booklet this week and i am a little excited about doing it again. I don’t get much of an opportunity to put my graphic design skills into practice.

(Below: Logo/ Brochure / A bookmark that will go in the booklet)

 

For the foreseeable future I will be getting ready to open my Etsy store. I wanna do it right and I wanna do it well ( and I don’t want to borrow any more money from my parents) so I’ll slowly be accumulating postage supplies, designing and getting my business cards printed and reading up on Etsy over the next month or two. My goal is to be ‘up and running’ by March. I don’t want to rush this thing. Rush=stress and stress=relapse so there ain’t gonna to be none of that rushin’ business over here, no sir!

I think I’m gonna go and print something . . .

Naomi xoxo

Happy New Year (Blah Blah Blah…)

Musings

This Blog post is NOT about New Years Resolutions!

Whenever I have attempted these resolutions in the past, part of me (perhaps on some self-sabotaging subconscious level) seems to want to do the opposite. As soon as the resolutions leave my mouth, as soon as the rules are in place, part of me wants to (AND DOES) break them.

So here is a list of things that I may or may not get done/achieve this year. Its a list of things I’m working towards, a set of goals/dreams that is by no means comprehensive. If I achieve them all, GREAT . . . If I don’t, well I’ll keep trying.

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  • As a self-taught artist/illustrator I need resources to help me get my head around the creative industries. I need helpful tips, I need practical tutorials and I need real world examples of the ones who have gone before to learn from. The Image above is of just a few books that I want to read this year. Reading isn’t easy for me, my concentration isn’t the best due to chronic illness and my eyes fatigue easily but I am determined! Other resources I find SOOOOOOOOOO useful are Blogs and of course YOUTUBE! There are HOURS of practical tutorials on youtube so I’ll definitely be watching more of those as well.

 

  • I am determined to finish my Diploma of Graphic Design this year . . . A course that should have taken me 18 months/ 2 years by distance has now been stretched out over 4 1/2 years due to my chronic illness. In February I will hopefully be picking it up again for what will HOPEFULLY be my FINAL year of study. Though I have learnt over the years you never know whats around the corner, I feel sure that I will get it done.

 

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  • A few days ago I ordered a printer. This printer prints with twelve inks and will allow me to produce gallery-quality prints (Gyclee prints for those of you in the know) of my illustrations to sell. This means that I will have complete control over the whole process of selling my work from the creation right through to the postage, effectively cutting out the ‘middle man’, cutting out the stress of finding a suitable printing house, cutting out the stress of dealing with potential difficult personalities . . . Basically, it will cut out A LOT of stress for me (My body goes on strike at the mere mention of stress). I’m still waiting for the printer to arrive but the inks arrived today . . . This is getting real people . . . The point being – I will be opening an online ETSY shop sometime in the near future (cue-stress reaction).

 

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  • Although I do my illustrations on my iPadpro I want to be able to produce good quality artwork the old fashioned way. I feel so much more connected to the art I’m producing if I’m doing it with paper, it means so much more. For me the difference between digital and analog art is like talking to your best friend over the phone versus catching up in real life; the phone works fine but every now and then you just really need to hang out. When it comes to creating a unique piece of art, I have never been able to settle on one medium. My stubborn thirst to conquer them all can not be quenched – Believe me, I’ve tried! (You know that saying ‘get your kids into art so they never have enough money for drugs’? WELL ITS TRUE!) Watercolours are one medium that I have yet to tame and so I requested these Winsor and Newton watercolour markers for christmas to attack the ‘problem’ from a different angle. Seriously, these things are so much fun! I am determined that this year will be the year that I develop complete mastery over Watercolours!

 

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  • Did you know you can now get water-soluble oil paints?! You know what this means don’t you?! NO MORE TURPENTINE! As someone who is sensitive to chemicals (again my damned chronic illness) I never thought my body would allow me to paint with oils – THINK AGAIN! Some glorious nerd in a secret lab someone chemically altered oil paints so they can bind with water, this means you can thin them out with water (or the water soluble mediums that you can now buy also!), you can clean your palette with water and you can wash your brushes with, you guessed it, WATER! HURRAH or glorious nerds! Now I can master oils as well! (There goes that stubborn thirst again!) I have a series of paintings that I want to do (Im not giving any more information on them yet) and I’ve envisioned doing them mostly with oil, Im not sure why, but now its possible so thats something else to work towards this year.

 

So this year is gonna go something like this . . . One foot in front of the other . . . Slow and steady wins the race . . . Practice makes perfect . . . DON’T FREAK OUT! haha

 

 

 

Count your blessings . . .

Musings

On this deliciously perfect summer Monday morning I find myself musing on the blessings that surround me. 

I had the pleasure this weekend of travelling to a place I absolutely ADORE to join in the celebrations of a dear old friends 30th birthday. It was wonderful to catch up with extended family (We stayed with cousins) and more dear friends (at the party) as though no time had passed since our last meeting = Blessing #1 – being with people around whom you feel you can be your genuine self.

I knew that I wanted to give Morgan something special so on the Monday before the party I decided to start brainstorming something that I had been wanting to do FOR YEARS!

[A bit of backstory – When I was little (primary school) I had a wonderful tight-nit group of friends in western sydney (around the Hawksbury area). My Father was in the RAAF and so inevitably we were ‘posted’ north to Ipswich, QLD when I was 10 and so I had to leave the only friends I had ever known behind. I remember putting on a pretty brave face, but deep down it was brutal. For a few years we all consistently wrote letters back and forth and I would spend my nights in bed scheming of ways to ‘escape’ from Ipswich so I could get back to where I believed I belonged. Over time though, one must grow up and so I did. The letters gradually stopped as everyone moved on with their lives, but I NEVER once stopped thinking about those girls and how much I missed them. Fast-forward to the age of Facebook and suddenly we were all able to reconnect as young adults and I was OVER THE MOON! Since I finally moved back to Gods own country (NSW) nearly five years ago we have all made the effort to keep up with each other at least once a year (I always try to tone down just how completely and utterly neurotically excited I am anytime I see them – I still can’t believe that I got them all back . . .That sounded REALLY neurotic didn’t it? lol) and every time we see each other it is like no time has passed. I feel so blessed that it was a part of God’s plan to bring us all back together in the way He has, in His perfect timing = Blessing #2 – God’s plans for us far exceeding anything we can plan for ourselves.]

So you can probably see where this is going now . . . For years the only photos that I had of any of us where the professional school photos and I always wished I had something more. Id dream of what those photos would look like and every now and then toy with the idea of just drawing some but I wanted them to be perfect and so I never started.

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Blessing #3 – How amazingly blessed am I that I now have the ability to create and draw that I always wanted!

I had a very clear picture in mind and set to work on my trusty IpadPro.

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Once I had the outlines the way I wanted them I set to work on the tartan uniform pattern = Blessing #4 – Technology . . . It would have been extremely arduous and no doubt exhausting if I had to try to paint the tartan the old fashioned way, instead, I used procreate on my iPad (one word – LAYERS! Sooooooo gooooood) and it took an hour. Once the tartan was done I added colour and shading and though I was so pleased with how it looked at this point I felt like it was missing something. The graphic designer in me wasn’t quite satisfied with these adorable girls floating in space.

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[above: The finished piece]

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I just had to show you a picture of it in the frame, I’m so proud of how it turned out. Seriously folks, you have NO IDEA the amount of emotion, love and joy went into drawing this piece, it is so special to me.

On the journey home, at the end of this wonderful weekend I found myself feeling so satisfied, so happy and I started counting my blessings so here are some more :

Blessing #5 – That we live in a country that offers such amazing healthcare (One of my friends has a son who is profoundly deaf but with the aid of cochlear implants is thriving.)

Blessing #6 – Family – We stayed with mum’s cousins family over the weekend and they are seriously one of the most loving, hilarious and God-centered familys you’ll ever meet.

Blessing #7 – Those who have gone before – I was marvelling at the roads through the blue mountains and the foresight and engineering that went into the blasting of the rock and the building of the roads that allow us to travel so effortlessly though them in safety.

Blessing #8 – That we have roads at all! Roads that are maintained, roads that are safe, roads that don’t have bomb craters in them . . .

Blessing #9 – Mum – That I have an amazing mother who is willing to drive me the three hours east to see my friends so I can conserve my energy. My mum, who is willing to drive me to a party and come and pick me up a few hours later (thats 2 x a 40minute round trip), my mum, who is so proactive when it comes to my health has figured out and currently in the process of brewing Kombucha for me . . . I could go on and on and on and on . . .

I could go on and on and on and on . . . As I sit here and start listing them like this I keep coming up with more and more  . . . The point is folks that it is so easy to sit back and complain about every little thing in life that goes wrong and annoys you, believe me, i know! But you have a choice to not let those things get to you, to consciously look around you for the good. To look around and see all of the things you have to be grateful for. Trust me, its a good habit to get into. Thats what this weekend has taught me.

Until next time nerds, try looking on the bright side . . .

Naomi.

 

 

 

W.I.P Wednesday: Digital Painting

WIP Wednesday

I have been struggling to get out of bed all week and this morning wasn’t any different. Once up and about I realised that my mood wasn’t going to improve on it’s own so I took a ‘mental health day’. In other words, instead of sitting at my desk working on the few projects I have at the moment, I sat outside in a beautiful cane rocking chair with my Marley-puppy on my lap and drank large cups of tea.

I scanned Instagram every now and then ’cause somedays it helps just to sit back and look at pretty things. I came across the work of Australian artist Sandra Eterovic (whom I ADORE – Her artwork is gracing my banner for this post) and found myself scrolling through her work on pinterest and then . . .

WHAMMO!

INSPIRATION!

For the first time in DAYS I found myself actually wanting to create something, to try something, to learn something . . . So I got right onto it!

I went to my iPad and brought up an illustration I did last week. I love the line work and the placement but after I tried (and failed) to add colour with my polychromos (I wasn’t happy with the saturation of colour or the texture) I decided to tackle it digitally in the style of Eterovic. She uses actual paints for her artworks and I would eventually like to be able to achieve what she does with paints also so as I worked on this piece today I tried to layer and use colours as though I were painting on paper.

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I made sure the ‘outline’ layer was at the top so I could see where I needed to be working but I also wanted to be able to take away the line work and still see a well formed, familiar face. I thoroughly enjoyed the process, It was soothing . . .

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I’ll hopefully finish the rest of the ‘painting’ over the next few days, but I am so happy with it so far.

People around me tell me I should be happy with the illustrations and art that I create digitally, and I am, but there always seems to be this part of me that wants to prove to the world that I can do ‘real’ art too. That’s crazy . . . Right? Maybe I feel this way because doing art digitally comes so naturally to me (its downright easy sometimes) and isn’t art meant to be hard? Or maybe its because I’m a sucker for a good challenge, I love to challenge myself . . . Or maybe its my ‘inner critic’ telling me I can do more, spurring me on to greater things . . . 

I’m waiting on some water-soluble oil paints to arrive by post so I guess once I have them I’ll give this oil painting caper a go.

Until next time nerds xoxo

Naomi.

 

 

 

Monday Musings: Comparisons

Musings

I was going to touch on this topic in my last post but decided it warranted a post of its own.  I have been comparing myself to others for as long as I can remember, and in every aspect of my life. I’m only an expert on myself but I’m pretty sure everyone else has the same problem. If you don’t, please let me know, I’d like to pull your brain apart and figure out how you function . . .

Notice how I called it a problem? It’s a big problem! In a world where we are all unique, how can it possibly make sense for us to be constantly comparing ourselves to the people around us. This just doesn’t compute. Not only does it not compute, it is detrimental because OF COURSE we are not going to compare (to someone we are not meant to compare to!) and therefore our little insecurities (I KNOW we all have those, right?) have a field day and leave us feeling that there might be something wrong with ourselves.

Am I the only one who is frustrated by the lack of sense in this scenario?!

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Right on Theo!

Everyone takes pride in something, whether it is a job well done, a parenting win, a finished artwork or composition. I am no different. When I finish an illustration and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to, I am super proud and happy and I can’t wait to share it with everyone. I have a GREAT example of this. For those of you who have read some my previous blog posts you will know that I am entering an illustration competition. I put a lot of thought into my illustration, into the process and the final piece and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to. I absolutely loved my little illustration and was going to send it off straight away but I made a mistake, not one that I can’t come back from, but a mistake none the less. I decided to search Instagram for some of the other entrants as I was curious to see what they had come up with and how our various works compared. I instantly regretted my decision. Some of the other entries were AMAZING and I felt like a failure. I began to question whether I should bother entering mine at all, what was the point? I wasn’t going to win anyway . . .

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In some situations, comparisons (similarly to your inner critic) can spur you on to do a better job, but what if you have already put your heart and soul into a drawing and  you know you have done the best you can do on this particular project?

Nothings kills your motivation to create faster than comparing yourself to others. I look on Instagram usually a couple of times a day and most of the time it is a source of great inspiration. However, if I’m having an ‘off’ day or I’ve drawn something that I’m not satisfied with I’m more prone to start comparing my work to the work on Instagram as opposed to just enjoying it and learning from it. On these bad days I have learnt to avoid all social media.

Some helpful things to think about when comparing your work to others. 

How long have they been drawing/illustrating/painting for? How long have you been at it? It is unrealistic to compare the work of a master artist to your own if you are only new to the game! If you want to compare something, compare something you have drawn recently to something you drew a year or two ago. If you have been working hard at your craft you should notice a significant improvement.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, we are all individuals. We all have different structures, different strengths, different personalities therefore I think it should be obvious that we will all have different brush/pen/pencil strokes, we all use mediums differently and we all have different imaginations. One of the most powerful things we have going for us as artists is that each of us is different. We lose that the second we try to be like someone else. Please don’t try to be like someone else, you have a unique ‘voice’ and the world was meant to hear it . . . Otherwise, what is the freakin’ point of being unique?!

If you feel yourself beginning to fall into the trap of comparing your work to others, SHUT IT DOWN! Unplug, disconnect and walk away. Listen to some music, get out of the house, do something, ANYTHING to get your mind out of that trap. Yes, I’m sure their work is great and your’s may not be up to the same standard, but you created it and if you can own it and say it is 100% yours than you should be proud of creating something completely unique. If you wanna be as good as that other artist one day then you know what you’ve gotta do. WORK FOR IT. You aren’t going to get any better by looking at Instagram and feeling impatient and sorry for yourself. Start drawing something, ANYTHING, draw everyday, practice and you might just get to where you wanna be.

Just make sure that when you get ‘there’ your work is your own. Don’t compromise and meld your work to fit in with what you think the world wants to see. Create what is in you to create and the world will love it, because just like you, it will be unique and genuine, one of a kind.

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What about my illustration? 

Well, it’s taken me a few days, but I’m pretty sure that I am pretty close to being pretty satisfied with it again. But my joy for it was destroyed the moment I started comparing it. I’m going to send it off today and pray that the judges like it, but if they don’t that’ll be fine too. I know I put everything into it that I had at the time and I can be proud of that.

I’m gonna get a fresh cup of tea, I’ve had to reheat this one too many times already . . .

Stay classy nerds xoxo

Naomi.

 

 

What Inspires you t0 create?

Inspiration

Inspiration (noun)
1. The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
2. A sudden brilliant or timely idea.

There are a few things that I wanted to share with you all today and since I am a little nutty I managed to fit them all under the general topic of ‘inspiration’. I love it when a plan comes together (Yes, I’m quoting ‘The A Team’, deal with it).

I found myself listening to the same song over and over again this morning and every time I felt inspired to create something, I had a flash of an idea for an artwork or illustration. Is there any particular song that does this for you? There are three songs in particular at the moment that seem to generate in me the need to create something and I’ll share them with you now. . .

Bleeding Heart (Regina Spektor

What you got on tap, I’ll take two of that
I’m chasing a story I heard
When I was here last, at the back of the class
You pretended you never got lost
You’re at the back of the class, in the back of the bus
Sitting out at the dance, so we’re saying “no, thanks”
When they see you around, you look down at the ground
But when they walk away you’d wish they’d stay

Never never mind bleeding heart, bleeding heart
Never never mind your bleeding heart
Never never mind bleeding heart, bleeding heart
Never never mind your bleeding heart

You can’t help but stare at everyone there
It’s you versus everyone else
Your outfit’s a crime, you feel their cold minds
Placing you under arrest
And you serve your time drinking all night long
Staring at the walls of your jail-like home
Listening to that song, cause it hurts just right
Till everything is gone tonight

Someday you’ll grow up and then you’ll forget
All of the pain you endured
Until you walk by, a sad pair of eyes
And up will come back all the hurt
And you’ll see their pain as they look away
And you want to help, but there’s just no way
Cause you won the war so it’s not your turn
But everything inside still burns

How long must I wait till you learn that it’s not too late
How long must I cry till you know that you really tried
How long must I try till you learn that dreaming’s hard
How long must I dream till you heal your bleeding heart
Never mind your bleeding heart

♥                           ♥                           ♥

Black Dog (Melody Pool)

All I can taste is cigarettes

And the kiss you left upon my lips

I’ve left a number of old regrets

From my silken white legs to my hips

 

People often say there’s no time in a day

But there’s way too much time for me

I’m empty and aching; my whole world is shaking

And the black dog has sat at my feet

 

Nobody sees what I do to me

Nobody sees when I’m crazed

The contempt that I hold for my own defeat

And the guilt I feel masked by my rage

 

You waltz in the room in your drunken perfume

And you touch every inch of my being

Until the bitter sun rises and shows our disguises

You stretch while I’m left there bleeding

 

And you step away ‘cause you’re part of the day

And I sleep ‘cause I’m part of the night

And you say my chains will soon break away

And I’ll join you one day in the light

 

You push me and pull me, you ride me, you thrill me

Then turn every inch of me down

And I have nothing and no one

So what could I owe to one man who is craved by the crowd?

 

Break my hands; I can’t, I cannot break them myself

I see my own mind and the poisoning of its health

Help is beyond me; help won’t come from someone else

 

You waltz in the room in your drunken perfume

And you touch every inch of my being

And you grab my hand; reassure me again

That knowledge is so often freeing

 

And you say my chains will soon break away

And I’ll join you one day in the light

But I’m empty and aching; my whole world is breaking

And the black dog is holding me tight

(Below: A picture I drew in response to this song – ‘And the Black dog is sat at my feet.’)

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Learning to Fly (Written by Tom Petty – The Weepies version)

Well I started out down a dirty road, started out all alone
And the sun went down as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up and the world got still

I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Now the good old days may not return, and the rocks may melt and the sea may burn
I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings, coming down is the hardest thing

Some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown
So I started out for god knows where I guess I’ll know when I get there

I’m learning to fly around the clouds
What goes up must come down.
I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

[Aren’t they just the greatest lyrics?! Well I thinks so.]

To Instagram or not to Instagram . . .

I think Instagram is GREAT for cultivating inspiration. There are so many amazing artists on there showcasing their work, but not only that, they show photos of their processes and their studios. For a nerd like me this is PURE GOLD! There are so many exciting posts about mediums and tools that make me want to try them all. There so many artists who are so bold with their colour choices and mark making that inspire me to give it a go.

One example of this inspiration bearing fruit is a picture I started on last night. I was attempting a free hand sketch of myself (The original Selfie wouldn’t you say?) while watching the cricket, so no surprise it wasn’t perfect. The eyes were out of whack and nothing I could do would fix them so I decided that instead of getting frustrated and tearing it up it would be the perfect opportunity to play around with colour pencils. The picture below shows that I am still in the early stages and its looking quite subdued but rest assured folks, I intend to go BOLD with this one and if it doesn’t work out . . .MEH! No harm done. I’ve been inspired by so many bright portraits on Instagram that are full of colours you wouldn’t normally see on a face. They look FANTASTIC and colour scares the absolute crap out of me so why not give it a go . . .

colorme

Sometimes you need to dig a little deeper for some inspiration . . . 

Sometimes inspiration doesn’t just happen. It can take a bit of ‘digging’ to get to a point where you feel motivated to create something.

If you read my last blog post (maybe it was the one before . . . in fact, Im pretty sure it was the one before last . . . ) you’ll know that I’ve decided to enter an illustration competition and the only brief that was really given was the title of the book whose cover we needed to illustrate. ‘The sugar fairy’s adventure.’ For someone who has always loathed fairies and has sworn off sugar my motivation levels were severely lacking, so I started digging. I ‘pulled apart’ the title and began researching plums, the trees they grow on and the blossoms they produce and guess what? Little by little, as I formed an idea in my head of what I was going to draw, I began to get excited and the illustration gained some momentum. Below is the finished copy . . .

sugarplum1

Not bad eh? I’m not sure it’ll win, some of the competition is pretty steep, but I’m pretty proud of what I achieved.

Everyone struggles with motivation at some time or another and everyone has different ways of working through it. Find what works for you so next time you hit the wall you’ll be equipped to deal with it.

Day two of this Cricket test starts in a few minutes so Im gonna go get set up with my drawing in front of the telly . . . Peace out Nerds xoxo

Naomi.

Muddled Musings . . .

Musings

I really need to plan out these blog posts better . . . Today was an ‘off’ day and as a result I completely forgot about this blog until about, oh, an hour ago. I did remember, however, and that is what matters most.

In order to explain why today was ‘off’ I need to fill in a bit of backstory involving the rollercoaster that is my health. Consider yourselves forewarned.

This time last year I was at a steady healthy weight of around 66 kg. Despite my severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I was feeling pretty good about everything. At the educated suggestion of my ‘Shrink’ I had reduced some medications and completely ended with another. For those of you playing along at home, it was Lithium. After around 6 (ish) years I finally dumped the Lithium and I felt GREAT about it.

Fast forward a few months, maybe 6, and I decided to go hardcore paleo for the sake of my health (despite what comes next it was the BEST decision I have EVER made for my health). This involved cutting out sugar and carbohydrates and eating food high in fat and low in carbs. After a little while I noticed some weight loss, a few kilos or so, and put it down to the lack of sugar (its always caused a little weight gain in me). I had some complications with the paleo diet initially, mainly due to me eating more dairy/lactose than my poor gut could tolerate and making a mild leaky gut A LOT worse, but I managed to figure this out and adjust my diet accordingly. Again, despite my various other complaints I was feeling the best I had felt in years.

And the weight kept ‘falling off’ . . . 

‘Falling off’ makes it sound like I’ve lost tens of kilos, it sounds like a gross exaggeration. But for someone like me, who is nearly 6 feet tall and on the slim side, a few kilos is a lot. I noticed that at first I was loosing about a kilo a month so I started eating three full meals a day (this has always been difficult due to nausea). Rather than stop, the weight fell to just below 60 kilos. So, I enlarged my meal sizes and added  increased my snacks in between meals. I have a VERY healthy VERY strict paleo diet with foods full of nutritional value and yet, for the past few weeks I have been walking the very thin thread between 58 and 59 kilos. Every few days I weigh in and pray that I haven’t fallen to 57, the magic number where I will have to admit defeat and seek some medical/nutritional help.

[Before I went on the lithium back in my early 20’s I was a steady 59 despite my mothers best efforts to ‘fatten’ me up. This wasn’t a huge concern, however as I never dipped below this magic number. Over the years my weight gradually increased, I thought it was just normal weight gain but I have come to the conclusion now that it was a side effect of the lithium. It was so gradual that it didn’t even occur to me that it was connected to the medication and so didn’t even factor into my thinking when I dropped it.]

I have lost two dress sizes. As we have finally transitioned into some warmer weather I realised in horror that I could now pull all of my shorts down over my hips with the BUTTONS AND ZIPS DONE UP. I had already spent most of my money on some new tops so I didn’t look like I was swimming in everything, now I had to go and buy new shorts and skirts so my pants didn’t fall down in public . . .

So, now that you are fully apprised of the situation. 

shortscomic

As you can no doubt surmise from the above cartoon I rendered this afternoon, I went shopping this morning for a pair of shorts. I began by trying on size 10, hoping that I could get away with it. No such luck. I am officially a size 8. (on a side note, I realised today that I have NEVER been a size eight. As a teen I went straight from kids clothes to size 10 womens . . .) As if I didn’t already feel self-conscious enough at the sight of my pin-legs out in the open (it was too warm to hide them under my jeans), the lady in the clothing store was WAY too open in her astonishment at my size and ‘lack of curves’. I think she thought I was having fun and giggling along with her when, in truth, all I wanted to do was hide and cry. I’m not usually so sensitive. I am a tall, red-headed freckle faced, socially awkward chronically ill woman, I have a pretty thick skin. But today was different. After eating like a horse all week (some meals it feels forced, I still get slightly nauseous after a full meal) I weighed myself this morning feeling positive. No such luck, It said 58. Not 58.5, or even 58.1, just a straight 58. So I went shopping feeling deflated and, quite frankly, a little emaciated. 

I am fully aware that most people passing me by probably don’t notice, or even care about my weight. But I notice and I care. People really need to watch what they say to those around them. Seriously, We have no idea what anyone else is going through so when in doubt keep your opinions and ‘jokes’ to yourselves.

MOVING ON . . . 

Do you like the comic/cartoon I drew of the whole experience? I’m quite pleased with how it turned out. I’m finding more and more that as ‘moments’ happen in my day I picture them in my mind as cute little cartoons or comic strips and this is the first one I’ve actually drawn out. I’ll have to make a habit of it, todays was quite therapeutic. 

I suppose this is kind of a disclaimer . . . I know there are people out there who aren’t as open about their ‘struggles’ as I am and they may feel that perhaps I shouldn’t be as open as I am. It’s just who I am. I have always been VERY open about every aspect of my struggles and I regret nothing. I don’t do it for pity, I do it because I believe I am who I am for a reason and If I hide it in any way then whats the point of it all? Life isn’t perfect, too many people try to pretend it is, i’m just trying to be genuine.

Until next time nerds, live long and prosper.

Naomi.